stay at home yesterday,

except the time where i go and visit my grandpa.

i actually asked someone to go with me,

but none came forward to go with me.

end up,

i went alone.

its not that im scare to go alone,

im just worried that i will fall in front of my grandpa.

i dont want him to see the dark side of me,

i only want him to see the happy side of me.

when i was talking to him about family, grandchildren and etc,

suddenly he drop tears.

he told me that he is very bored,

very lonely.

bored cos nobody talks to him.

lonely cos he got family but no one is there to accompany him.

my heart hurts to the maximum,

to the extent that i never feel before.

i could not take it anymore,

i walk out and cool myself down.

when i leave to go home,

he look at me with his sad and wet eyes.

i really cant bear to see him like this.

but there's nothing i can do except going to visit him.

i only got weekends to visit him,

other days, i will be working.

nowadays,

when im going to visit him,

i hope someone could go with me.

all i can get is Precious in my heart.

at least there's better than nothing.

Precious,

thanks for being my listening ear.

Happy New Year Everyone!

stay at home the whole day today,

except out for dinner and visiting grandpa.

grandpa is in nursing home now.

i got no choice but to visit him in nursing home.

the service there is like shit!

they seem like leaving my grandpa aside and let him die.

when i reach there,

my grandpa is soaked with sweat.

and he feel very uncomfortable.

then my mum broke down,

i nearly broke down with her.

but i know i got to stay strong for her.

at that point of time,

i felt very lonely.

i needed someone to be by my side.

but i cant get anyone.

i dont know who to turn to,

how i wish Precious is with me.

Merry Christmas everyone!

went ladies night on wednesday with colleagues and friends.

free flow of drinks! woohoo.

haha. people that supposed to be drunk,

did not get drunk.

those that supposed not to be drunk,

but was dead drunk. LOL.

went home at 2plus.

yesterday was halfday for work!

knock off at 2 and went straight home.

reached home,

do alittle bit of things and went to sleep.

slept for 3hours! shiok man!

then prepared and head to ms to meet up with stan and yaya.

had dinner and catch up session.

headed home aftermath.

slept till 1plus today. hahaha.

currently waiting for 7plus to meet up with ruby and etc.

gonna celebrate christmas later!

not sure if going club or pub.

everyone is low in budget. haha.

anyway,

had not visit grandpa for 3days,

wonder how is he.

after christmas,

it is going to be 2010.

a brand new year,

a brand new start hopefully. lol.

alright peeps.

im back to blogging.

must still have to depend on mood. lol.

recently been kind of busy.

first, my grandpa.

then, Ivan.

also all the people around me,

everyone seems to be having troubles in relationship and etc.

grandpa

he had been in the hospital for one week plus.

starting, he seem to be fine.

then his hands and legs start to swell with bruises.

he slim down,

cant eat anything.

whenever he eat,

he will feel very terrible in his throat.

cough like nobody's business.

breathless always.

he is my one and only grandpa,

i cant bear to see him like this.

doctor say his organ infected.

bro say his chance of recovering is very low.

to be exact,

he is just waiting for time to pass.

the first time when i visited him,

i nearly broke down but i control.

i dont want to let him see the weak side of me.

yesterday i went alone,

the fear was holding me back but i went ahead.

he started to forget about me.

accompany him for 2hours plus till he fall asleep then i went off.

the moment i leave the ward,

i starting tearing.

i cant control cos i control too long.

i really hope nothing will happen to him.

Ivan

he is one of my friend.

he is also Precious's best bro.

Precious is not around,

so i stand in for him.

he is having operation today,

but i cant be there though im on leave.

its because he didnt wanted me to be there.

i never had a friend who need to go for operation,

therefore im very worried.

pray thats nothing serious happen to him.

Friends

breaking up seems to be a trend nowadays.

almost everyone around me is having this trouble.

nobody to accompany them,

so i have to do it.

it just cant be help.

sometimes all they need to do is to forget and try not to think of it,

but they cant do it.

at times,

im loss at words to console them as well.

hope that they will get well soon!

sometimes,

it doesnt pay to be good.

i help people,

then who help me?

im there for them when they needed a listening ear,

but when i needed someone?

Precious is my only emotionally and mentally support now.

i want to have a good cry,

but tears are holding back.

when i talk to my mum about my grandpa,

i nearly broke down.

but i cant do it.

there's so many things to say,

i dont know where to start from.

i dont know how to put into words.

i just dont wish to have anything happen to any of my friends or even people around me.

anyway,

christmas is coming soon.

planning plan for christmas!

so far,

wednesday clubbing while working halfday on thursday?

thursday office christmas party then home sweet home?

friday meeting cliques for gathering plus gift exchange?

everything is not confirm yet.

A picture before Precious depart from me. 21st Oct.

I know that i had been isolating my blog. lol.

pardon me for that.

after F1,

attachments started.

everyone went to the banking teams while im the only one to non banking team.

though its not something bad,

but its separated from everyone.

was on leave on monday 19oct,

supposedly Precious's flight is on monday night,

that is why i took leave,

and its was delayed and changed to wednesday.

tuesday night,

i was thinking of faking a mc.

and who knows,

when i woke up,

i was down with headache and etc.

went polyclinic with Precious's mum and sister,

got medicine and etc.

then cab to his house.

spent our last few hours before he fly off.

and to think that he is actually flying off on his birthday. haiz.

then cab to changi airport together with Precious.

when we arrived at the departure hall,

i broke into tears.

i tried my best to hold back,

but i just cant do it.

all i can do is just looking at Precious's back and cry in my heart.

walking alone away from departure hall is something that i had never done.

when i finally wake up from my senses,

Precious called me,crying on the phone,

i started crying again.

after i leave the airport,

i try not to think of the departure hall and look forward to arrival hall.

went to meet up with sk and p.

had a filling dinner which makes me feel better.

had good chatiing session as well.

blah blah blah,

went back home and knock out.

just minute before i knock out,

Precious's mum called me and started crying.

she said that Precious did not call her and she misses him.

and the touching part is the next morning,

early in the morning at 7am,

Precious's father called me and cry,

he told me he miss Precious,

he want Precious to be safe and sound. LOL.

whenever im alone,

i would think of Precious.

days without him seem to pass so slow.

weekends without him seem like hell.

but when my iap ends,

Precious will be coming back!

yesterday,

someone ask me.

"do you miss your Precious alot?"

i said "yes."

"then do you cry every night?"

i said "no."

"why"

i said " cos crying cant bring Precious back."

at the point of time,

i realised im stronger and more mature.

i would stay strong and wait for Precious's return!

sorry guys.

have not been updating for more than a month.

been busy with F1.

finally F1 is over! lol.

i had fun with my partner, Wainee and also those crews under us.

of course had afew conflicts as well.

Wainee is always there to listen to my complaints. lol.

but also thanks to Jeffery,

he is always there when something crop up.

he would cool me down or bring me aside. thanks!

i had a wonderful in-charge who treat us pizza and sushi! haha.

that 3 race days were hell man.

busy at all times but the sense of achievement is there,

whenever you see your stocks running out,

you would know that your sales are well.

we beat marina outlet for all 3days. lol.

Juliana just told us that there will be warehouse sales for staffs in november,

and she will be getting all of us to help out. lol.

alright,

enough of F1.

Precious will be leaving soon. in 1week time.

i hope time would allow me to spend all these time left with him.

and also,

attachment starting in 2weeks time.

how much time am i left with to enjoy?

Happy 31st!

long time since i last blog.

cos of blogger problem of cant upload photos,change font and etc.

i lost the mood of blogging.

these few days had back the blogging de feelings,

so here i am.

been busy these couple of weeks.

projects are stressing me out.

exams are nearer and nearer.

date due are here too.

have you guys even had this following problem?

feel stress even if you got nothing to stress about.

feel frustated for nothing.

feel like crying.

feel emotional anytime anywhere.

i know it sound abit weird but that is what is happening in me.

it make me feel like its depression?

can someone please save me?

i just realised something.

when i need someone,

no one is by my side.

everyone have their own things to do,

who can i blame?

i can only blame myself for being so useless.

useless to the extent that when i need someone by me,

i cant find anyone.

this kind of feelings really sucks.

Zh asked me to hit the bed and not think of anything,

but i just simply cant sleep!

know now what i feel like doing?

giving punches to the wall!

i really feel very vexed!

but no one understand at all!

no matter how hard i try to explain,

it does not help.

tried to sleep just now,

end up crying without knowing that tears is coming out.

i just feel frustated,sian,emotional and vexed,

but i dont know where all these came from.

no one understand,

instead of understanding,

they think that im being stupid to feel this way.

im feeling real terrible inside.

i dont know how can i overcome this.

i dont know what to do.

my tears just keep dropping and dropping.

Happy 30th Month Anniversary!

its a long way but i strongly believe we can go on all the way.

i love you Precious!

woohoo~

had a long day ytd.

first,

help Aunt to shift things.

Second,

projects.

Third,

dinner with Wanxin.

Fourth,

Dbl O!

wahahaha. but all of us enjoy and thats my final expectation.

anyway,

thanks for the present from ZiHeng&Jasmine and Yipei&June!

i totally enjoy my day man!

saw Ms Chan! and realised Ms Foo and Mr Herman is there too!

went to look for them and catch up!

i feel so good to see Ms Foo!

but pity Mr Zaki not there.

ZhuangWei came late and the moment he came,

he treated me drinks and trying to make me drunk. lol.

hope everyone have fun ya?

woohoo.

finally blogger is ready for me to blog! haha.

anyway,

on 10th july.

tgt with ex512,we went for Aesthetic Night.

i would say all performancers did well.

after that,

went holland for a drink.

call up Mr Ben and met up with him.

had a good catching up time actually.

of course we cant expect teachers to be perfect right?

walk back to ghim moh with yaya,yp and stan.

went to have noodles before heading home.

12july

went Mustafa for shopping. haha.

brought some minor stuffs then proceed to Sim lim Square.

wanted to buy earpiece,

but to no avail.

had a heart to heart talk with Precious.

home sweet home aftermath.

today is the start of the week. monday blue~

only SK and i went to school.

P had fever and not feeling well.

but nevertheless,

SK and i still enjoy ourself in school.

entertain each other,

blast ipod together,

answering questions out of nowhere and etc.. lol.

anyway,

thinking of it.

suddenly lots of projects just drop on my shoulders.

PIC due in early Aug.

CPA due in end of Aug.

BOP mid Aug.

Oh my god!

i wonder how am i going to survive?!

anyway,

im going to celebrate my birthday soon!

i cant wait for it to arrive! haha.

i enjoy being happily in love.

and once again,

i really feel love by Precious.

we understand each other alot now.

we give in to each other.

we listen out to each other.

life just seem so perfect suddenly=)

wanted to post long time ago,
but my blogger seem to have major problem. LOL.
i cant post photos,
i cant change the font of my words.
it kind of make me lost the mood of blogging. haha.
today is 3rd july already,
monday starting school.
got happy and sad la.
happy cos got see P and SK.
sad is must study. haha.
alright,
i suddenly jammed of what to write so i shall stop here.
byebye~

one week since i last blog. lol.

Monday

went out with my mum to toa payoh.

supposed to look out for my heels,

end up its my mum who got it.

then had Mcd and continue our hunt.

aftermath,

went over to Square2.

with no purchases,

we went home.

Tuesday

supposed to accompany P to bbdc,

but she could not wake up so postponed.

grandma needed me over at her place and i thought,

why not i meet up with Ruby too.

here and there then i meet up with Ruby and Yaya eventually.

went city hall and racky around.

waited for Stan's arrival. lol.

then we decided to take a walk from city hall to raffles place.

though its a long walk,

but i think it has been ages since we last walk such distance together.

and i kind of miss it now.

met up with kenny at his workplace.

drink eat chat. lol.

when he end works,

wanted to continue chatting but kenny need to go and etc.

but still,

we took a walk by Singapore River.

snap snap snap! photos taking.

the guys went home,

girls went over to Ruby's house to continue. LOL.

had a good laughing session though i feel bad. haha.

but imagine 3girls laughing like crazy at 4am.

thats so crazy right? lol.

then yaya and i cab home and drop dead on the bed straight. lol.

Wednesday

supposed to meet yaya out.

but it was raining.

yaya and i had those feeling of staying at home but going out too.

tell me how? lol.

so at this point of time,

a friend save me! lol.

went over to Dinika's place to slack/catch up.

leaving the thoughts of bbdc postponed again~

waited for P to come over as she stay nearby.

and know what?

she came like just awhile and she got to go,

cos her friend is depressed. lol.

so i also go home lor.

Thursday ( today )

supposed to go sentosa with the class,

SK cant make it and P did not sleep for days.

therefore we all decided not to go.

most likely later meeting SK and P to bbdc first then shopping or what ba.

not sure if P can wake up anot. lol.

but i kind of feel like staying at home today,

but SK and P hardly got off days.

mum is getting pissed off

Simon is back!

Choir Performance on Tuesday

i think i forgot to post about Simon's return. LOL.
Sunday

went to the airport to fetch the return of Simon! lol.

he told us that he will reach 10.30 but he reached at 10 while we were eating! haha.

catch up abit of course.

but time flies,

we got to take train home while Simon's mum is waiting.

but nevermind,

we always got a chance to meet up right? lol.

went near Ruby's house to chit chat,

tgt with MingCi,Yaya,Ruby and I.

Ruby and peeps is planning to go club on thursday,

which is today.

but due to financial and etc,

im not going.

enjoy guys,

im sorry.

Tuesday

actual performance and final rehearsal.

had a long break.

P never sleep the whole night,

she should be the one who fall asleep.

but ended up,

SK and i were the one sleeping.lol.

wake up and warm up abit,

and there comes the performance.

conductor said that we did very well! haha.

took bus home after that.

Today

alright,

been rotting at home.

partially cos no money.

another part is that there is no one to entertain me,

cos everyone is working!

but anyway,

stay at home also good,

can save money. lol.

not in the mood these days.

heard alot of hurting words from people.

he is someone who had never make a comment on me since i know him 3years ago,

but this time,

he said it.

and it hurts me deep inside.

im trying to ignore his words,

but it seems so hard.

Saturday Today

alright.

Saturday

went dbl o to celebrate ZiHeng's birthday.

saw Viknesh there. lol.

long time since i met up with him. haha.

had great fun there.

aftermath,

sent ZiHeng home and went home with Precious.

drop dead when i hit the bed.

Sunday

woke up close to afternoon.

went to have breakfast with Precious downstair.

came back and took a nap.

met up with Ivan after that.

had brunch and went IMM to walk walk.

home after that.

waited for time to pass. haha.

met up with Ruby and peeps,

went Airport together.

this time is to fetch Simon! lol.

while eating,

Simon called and said that he arrived!

felt happy when i saw him.

shall meet up soon!

Today

meet SK at 11 for KFC. lol.

then went school for fitting of blazor.

choir practice after that.

had a short break then went to UCC.

im a HPO student today. haha!

after release,

P say want to get the white shirt.

went West Mall.

brought the shirt at close to $40.

but i might need to use it in the future so its ok.

G2000 blazor caught my eye!

then we went separate ways.

SK went CCK to meet her aunt.

P cab down to Vivo.

i took bus home.

anyway,

tomorrow is the actual performance already.

time flies ya. haha.

SK and P is nervous about it,

but im not.

abit abnormal ya? haha.

didnt go school for thursday and friday. lol.

its plain wasting of time going to school i guess.

had a good rest for that both day!

went st james ytd to accompany yaya.

quite boring actually. lol.

firstly,

music are bad.

secondly,

drinks are limited.

thirdly,

human limited.

haha! but we still have our very own fun. haha!

messing up each other's hair in a club!

going double O tonight.

im damn tired. lol.

i reached home at 5plus this morning.

shower and went straight to sleep. lol..

one shot sleep till 1pm. i still want more sleep!

but cant get into sleep though the weather is so tempting. lol.

shall watch videos while waiting for Precious to come over!

Good luck to you,ZiHeng.

hopefully you can survive tonight. LOL.

anyway,

GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR EXAMS,

Precious & ZiHeng!

my 200th post!

lol. exams are over!

its time to play hard! woohoo.

been preparing and studying for exams.

attendance problems come again.

i just dont understand why attendance are like this.

most ridiculous thing is..

DETENTION!

its counted from the start of the term.

Pauline got 295mins.

SK got 80mins.

and i got 105mins! wth.

of course,

we didnt do it.

doing it does not solve the attendance/late problems.

so whats the point?

even if we are early everyday,

end of the month,

we still kana the attendance thingy.

then whats the point of going early?

ITE is so lame! lol.

having a bad headache since morning.

it comes and go,

comes and go.

now its banging my head hard.

finally a break from studying!

shall go for a nap now!

starting to feel that going to school early everyday is no point.

school is boredom now due to those ''political'' problems.

BOP down.

got PIC result. so so only.

left CPA now.

that day.

met up with Ivan,Zh and Precious for drinking.

then to dover to meet Joshua for supper at Cwealth.

aftermath,

sit in Joshua's car for the first time.

went lepak.

then home sweet home.

had a good singing session on the way home.

Saturday

morning,

waited for Ivan to come over and do his application and etc..

then to Farmart and QianHu Fish Farm for a walk.

then went CWP.

visit SK on the way.

walk around and thought of going to blow wind.

so went ahead.

aftermath,

home sweet home.

Yesterday

went Zh house for awhile.

then to hougang green.

then Ivan and Precious repair car while i study.

after that,

went Neo Tiew Road to see bike stunts.

then to Dom's place and wait for Eugene to arrive.

then to town for dinner.

walk one end to another then another to one end. lol.

send Dom and Eugene back and lepak till 11plus.

went to pick up the van and went back home.

drop dead the moment i touch the bed. lol.

slept all the way till 8plus.

went school at 10plus.

then met SK and Pauline at OOB for lunch.

back to school for nothing except Dota.

went OOB again for brunch.

then went home and now im here to blog. lol.

Quiz tag by Baby

1) Beside lips, where is your favourite spot to get kiss?

- Cheeks

2) How do you feel when you woke up this morning?

- Feeling sleepy, reluctant to go school.lol.

3) Who was the last person you took with?

- Took what?

4) Would you consider yourself spoiled?

- In terms of relationship, yes.

- Normally, no.

5) Would you donate blood?

- Yes but i cant. sad.

6) Have you ever had a best friend who is the opposite sex?

- Yes, of course.

- Stanley & Kenny.

7) Do you want someone dead?

- Of course not.

8) What does the last message says?

- Love you dear. by Precious of course.

9) What are you thinking right now?

- Precious

- Chatting with Pauline

- Wondering why Joshua never reply.

10) Do you wish someone with you right now?

- Yes, Precious=)

11) What time you went to bed last night?

- 2plus?

12) Where did you buy the shirt that you're wearing right now?

- Camp shirt.

13) Is someone in your mind?

- Yes.

14) Who was the last person you text?

- Precious & Ivan.

15) 10 PEOPLE TAGGED TO DO THIS QUIZ

1.Soh Koong

2. Pauline

3. Ruby

4. Kenny

5. Stanley

6. AiZai (Jeremy)

7. Yi Fu

8. Yipei

9. Wenyan

10. Simon

16) Who is 2 having relationship with?

- lol. me~

17) Is 3 male or female?

- She is a female.

18) If 6 & 7 get together, would it be a good thing?

- no way man!

19) What is 1 studying about?

- Banking And Services.

20) When was the last you chat with 5?

- not long ago actually.

21) Is 4 single?

- Nope.

22) Say something about 2.

- Outgoing & Fun.

23) What do you think of 3 & 6 being together?

- Impossible man! they dont even know each other.

24) What will you do if 6 & 7 fight?

- Stop them?

25) Do you like 3?

- I dont like her but i love her.

The End!

hello people!

anyone still viewing my blog?

haha. i know its my fault for not updating. lol.

partially cos there is nothing going on.

and also its exam time!

alright.

PIC is down.

2more paper to go.

CPA & BOP

BOP is tmr!

last weekend went over to cousin's place.

to celebrate her birthday.

this whole week is all about revision,

be it in school or at home.

just that JKP went relaxing the day before PIC paper! lol.

supposed to relax after paper right. haha.

PIC was ok.

then today lesson end early.

went for McDonalds' to get the purple cup.lol.

tmr is a busy and long day.

BOP paper,follow by Choir practice and lastly,

dinner with darlings~

andandand..

Precious is out with Ivan without me!

arghhhh! im stuck at home to study!

this is so not fair!

time is running out..

IA is coming..

everyone is going out to different place for IA..

im sensing alittle tense among us..

wahahahaha.

i know my blog is rotting.

but too bad,

im just plain lazy and had no mood to blog till now.

projects are killing me!

one to pass up on friday,

the other to pass up on monday.

oh my god!

anyway,

went sentosa with ZW,YP and WX on sunday.

after that,

L4D for awhile and off to steamboat!

had a damn long time to decide what to eat okay!

bus home with almost everyone.

school as usual.

except that tuesday,

went kbox with SK and P!

went home,

shower and off to bed! haha.

actually wanted to have a long post,

but suddenly the things that i wanted to type down just gone!

so i shall blog till here.

see when i got the mood to blog again ba. haha!